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You’re leaving your best friend’s house, walking to your car with a few armloads of stuff. Her husband offers to help you with the load and you say “No, I’ve got it! Thanks!”
You’re struggling to carry everything, your arm hurts, you’re about to drop your keys, but you still declined the kind offer. Why?
Why wouldn’t you just say “Yes, I would love some help!”
Why It’s Hard For Strong Women To Ask For Help:
Taught To Be Independent
We don’t want to be a burden for others. We have been taught:
- Be strong
- Don’t be weak
- Take care of our own stuff
- Carry our own weight
- Don’t be needy
We feel like we will lose our sense of control if we rely on someone else.
This type of conditioning from society has created a fear of asking for help even when it will make our lives EASIER.
Not wanting to seem weak or needy can turn a problem into a crisis.
Women Are Nurturers
This is just another story of how society has thrown us into a box. Are women nurturers? Sure. I love that part of myself, but this has been a delegated task for generations.
It is okay to nurture your loved ones when the giving and receiving are balanced and harmonious.
Never Taught How To Ask For Help
Maybe we really want to ask for help but we just aren’t sure how to do that because we were never taught how.
Have you ever felt stupid, unworthy, unlovable, or uneducated because you didn’t know the answer to something?
I have noticed that many women with low self-esteem also struggle with the fear of rejection.
Being told no is actually not a bad thing, it is a sign of progress. It is important to re-frame the emotions around this story.
Working to build your self-esteem will help you overcome these feelings of inadequacy. Asking for help is a sign of intelligence. No one in the world knows the answer to everything.
They Should Know I Need Help
Most people are not psychic. They cannot read exactly what you need or how specifically they can best help you. It is not realistic to expect people to help you without first asking them for what you need.
We might experience feelings of rejection if we are close to someone and they are not noticing our needs.
Is there a part of me that is resistant to asking for help?
If you are an introvert or an empath, it might be more draining to ask someone for help.
Asking someone for help means that we have to discuss the details with them and answer all of their questions.
If you are already dealing with a challenging situation, it may be more energetically draining to call someone else in.
For Empaths and lightworkers, it might be difficult to ask for help because we don’t want to use more resources than we feel we “need” or “deserve”.
Are you convincing yourself that you have it easier than others and you shouldn’t ask for help? This is a self-worth challenge.
Fear Of Debt
With the universal law of Reciprocity, we fear to be in debt to someone.
When you ask for help, don’t promise them an “IOU”. If you need anything, just ask for help. Receive the help and then after, if you feel inspired- send them a thank you card.
Remember, most people love to help!
Fear Of Judgment
The majority of Eastern society is based on perfectionism and shaming. Asking someone else for help is a sign of vulnerability.
If you have felt unsafe to be vulnerable in the past, you might have an internal block.
Why we should ask for help
People Want To Help
Most people love the feeling of helping someone else. It is rewarding and satisfying to be able to give someone something that they need, especially when they have clearly asked you for it.
Men especially love when you are clear about your needs.
(Most) People Can’t Read Your Mind
We can’t expect people who have yet to tap into their telepathic capabilities to read our minds, unfortunately.
If we want someone to help us, we have to ask them by telling them CLEARLY what we need. Don’t be shy, that doesn’t help anyone.
No One Will Judge You
Don’t worry about people judging or not liking you. Everyone needs help at some point in their life. People can only judge us if we give them permission.
If someone judges us for needing help, it is because they are projecting their personal perspective of themselves onto us. We are worthy of as much help as we need.
Unmet Needs For Attention Manifest As Dis-ease
You read that right. When we need attention that we are not receiving, it can manifest as dis-ease in our bodies. Physical manifestations of dis-ease come from suppressing our emotions for too long.
It takes self-awareness and courage to accept being imperfect and ask for help. Most of us are not taught how to be sympathetic or gentle with ourselves.
We ALL require rest and help. There is nothing shameful or wrong with needing help. We must listen to our bodies to take care of ourselves.
Successful people know how to ask for help.
“The only stupid question is no question at all.”
How to ask for help
Clear is kind. People don’t like when they feel like their time is wasted. Use as few words as possible. Don’t beat around the bush. Be concise and direct about your needs.
Rely On Reliable People
Use your knowledge about someone and your intuition to determine if they are the person that you should ask. Don’t ask someone who is a constant flake or doesn’t seem to care about your needs.
Ask In Person
If possible, ask the person face to face. Asking in text can seem inauthentic and you might send the wrong message because you lack the extra element of expression when you are someone’s physical presence.
Yes, it may be more challenging for you to do it this way, but when you feel that fear and do it anyways- you are growing!
Notice Their Reaction
Are They excited or reluctant? You are clear, kind, concise, and direct, yet you feel like the person isn’t too excited to help. Give them a second to think about it before you abort the mission.
If they are still hesitant or reluctant, just tell them it is okay! You will 100% be able to find the right person to help you. Just don’t give up.
Say Thank You
Express your gratitude. If you have the habit of frequently apologizing- please don’t do that. Just tell them how appreciative you are. Give thanks when they agree to help you, while they are helping you, and when they have finished helping you.
When asking for help, give the person details so that they can help you as best as they can. Vulnerability is a super power.
Tell Them Why You Chose Them To Help You
People love to hear positive reflections of themselves. Offer them insight into why you chose them specifically to help you with the task at hand. This makes the other person feel even better about themselves and might make them want to help you more.
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You’re leaving your best friend's house, walking to your car with a few armloads of stuff. Her husband offers to help you with the load and you say “No, I’ve got it! Thanks!” You’re struggling to carry everything, your arm hurts, you’re about to drop your keys,...